what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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