Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sober January is a disaster.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
