the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
