I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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