Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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