It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
