$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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