Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
