I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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