id be glad to
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
