I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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