Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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