I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
