Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
