And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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