Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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