he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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