Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
