My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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