you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
sex in a hospital.. check
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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