wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
