I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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