If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
