i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize