Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
