I wish I only lived at night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
