Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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