her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
