Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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