he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
