I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
