I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have fence marks all over my body
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
