Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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