If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
