woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
