i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
