You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
