I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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