This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it was like eating out sand paper
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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