of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
