I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
