Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize