goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
