we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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