Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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