we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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