I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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