i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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