I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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