It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
