The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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