Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
BRING THE BAGELS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
