his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
