There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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