btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
