definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
