I'm passing your future prison.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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