We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
