So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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