I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
