a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
