mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
