I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
