My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
