I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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