There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
