Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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