I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
