If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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