I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
