i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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