I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
