Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
